Not only is Cactus good for our environment,and immune system but it’s also good for our soul.
It’s been awhile.Almost 2 years to be exact.Time flies. I’ve returned for the sole purpose of just writing. I missed typing my jaded thoughts and having the smallest possibility of someone out there relating.LiveJournal used to fill that void, and then you came along.Sorry I was gone for so long.So what have I been up to?Well let’s say the negatives first, it’ll make the positives much more positive.
1)I lost my music deal.Well I CHOSE to get out of it.My pride got the best of me.I refused to be someone else.They saw me as another cookie sheet, and I saw my dreams thrown away by the second.I may have ruined a possible once in a lifetime chance but I truly believe that this is not the end of my career.People seem to believe that fame is like a blink of an eye, and maybe it is once you’re sucked in.But to get there? take so much effort.Now point is, you need to decide of the effort is going towards building your brand or building THEIRS.I chose to build mine, and if that means on my own , then so fucking be it.2)I lost both my grandparents ,my dog and three of my closest friends to the angel of death, within 3 months apart from each other .I wont get much into it, but it took a lot out of me.I always knew that living on the other end of the country would be difficult but I never imagined that I would somehow begin to loose track of who still existed. I still text or call them. I forget,I remember, and then WANT to forget again.Endless cycle which seriously sucks by the way.3)I never quite know if this was a positive or negative thing in my life for the simple fact of all the greatness it led me to.I was homeless.CoachSurfer to be exact. It was tough,I never really knew where I was going to end up at the end of my day.One of the many things I learned from that experience was to NEVER trust ANYONE.Including people you believe are your “friends”, they could end up being the ones who put you out on the streets in the first place.
Now for the positives.
1)From doing couch surfers I met my NOW co-producer and friend.We’ve been collaborating and creating music that I always dreamed about. While homeless, I chose to learn how to produce music on my own, including how to DJ.Which is what I’m currently doing.I Sing and produce all my own beats and soon enough I’ll be performing in the UK.I’d say that’s a step up?.2)Although I may have lost quite a lot of people this past year, I was blessed to an addition in my family.The beautiful birth of my nephew.I haven’t even gotten a chance to see him in person yet, and I’m already in love.3)While homeless, my best friend, of whom is now my boyfriend of 2 years, took me in, gave me a place to sleep and build from.We are now moving into our very own place together.Both with aspiring dreams of our futures individually and as a whole.It’s taken me a good bit to realize how lucky I am, and that everything really does happen for a reason.I’m a completely different person. If anyone from back home ever met me now, they’d probably hate me. haha.I’m on the road I envisioned myself being.I may have lost a lot, but I have gained so much more.This journey weeded out those I did not need in my life.Those who were poisonous and full of negative energy and surrounded myself with the few that were precious and key.
For the first time in my life I introduce myself to others as ,Penny,DJ and Producer. Never in a million years would I have thought that those words would fly out of my mouth. It’s a surreal feeling to know that everything you have done is purely from you.I, made that track.I, wrote those lyrics.I,put together that set. I want to live my life organically in ever essence of the word, and that;s precisely what I got.So small word of advice? Fuck relying on anyone but yourself to make your dreams come true.They’re called YOUR dreams, for a reason.Your the only one that’s gonna make it happen, and happen the way you want it.
So why write this?. Regardless of who is reading, I needed to write it down.I needed to see for myself of what I have.It’s been an incredibly difficult year and I don’t expect to get any easier but I do expect ti to get better. I may have been vague in my experiences but it doesn’t make them any less real or terrifying.I’m grateful and I’m ready for whatever comes my way.I’m fairly certain I’m a bad ass now. Ok Tumblr.Until the next 365 days.See ya.
#palabra #truth #belgiciahowell #wordstoliveby #friends #enemies #never
Late night stroll through the woods. #palmsprings #tram #hikingtrails #moon #cottoncandyskies #magic #witchinghour #night (Taken with Instagram)